Not every girl wants to be in a relationship.. Some just want good company, a fella to vibe with, conversate with, & laugh with. Not in a rush. Start off simple, and let the rest find It’s self. Having someone to talk to and feeling comfortable around them is quite beautiful, and a good feeling….
Talking to my cousin today I finally expressed all the pent up feelings that have been eating away at me …
We talked about life, sex, guys, the whole nine . && then we talked about relationships && I was saying how I will never have a successful relationship because of how I am . I bluntly explained that I like to have my cake && eat it too . No other way to explain it . In no way am I saying cheating is okay, but that’s where my hypocracy comes in because if a boyfriend were to ever cheat on me, I would be fuming && hurt, but I’d kick his shit to the curb ‘cause I’m sure I’ll have someone to make me happy . BUT I feel like when I do it, it’s whatever . Plain && simple . AND I make it seem okay by only doing it with guys who are single, that way I’ve done nothing to the other person . I’m not saying I’m loose && have no walls, but to me, cheating is developing an emotional bond with another person that’s so strong you somewhat disreguard your actual significant other. Which is what I do && have done every single time . Sex is in never in the picture when I develop a relationship with someone else, that’s the furthest thing from my mind . Plus, I usually blame the other person because I’m sure they’ve done something to make me do what I did . Past OR present . I never forget so that’s reason enough for me .
I feel bad that I do these things, but it’s almost like it’s just natural to me in a sense . No matter what I’m always seemingly looking at someone else . I may be cutting my self a short rope && I’m sure that I could be a very commited person if I actually tried, but idk . That’s another day …
I don’t think I’m a good person at all, but I really don’t know what it is . I remember watching this tv show about how Gemini’s are prone to cheating because we’re “fun time” people && live in 2 different worlds which I can align myself with . I don’t mean to hurt people, but I’m sooooo sensitive that the littlest thing’ll set me off && therefore I must attack .
But in our talk I just let it all out . From me having sex with a person that he knows (which was dumb) to my teenage drama && how dating someone you work with is pure suicide, he just sat there && listened and gave me advice .
"I’ll slap a hoe for you !" The thing that cheered me up knowing he had my back no matter what .
It feels good to have someone I can actually tell things to, things that I normally would hide inside . I have sooooo much pent up frustration due to just everything that I feel the need to just act out . But now that I’ve gotten some of that out, I feel a wee bit better .
He simply let me know that I’m still young && have plenty more to do . How I can’t focus on the past because that’s truely what it is - the past . I have to keep moving forward .